Explicitly Secular Christmas Trees

Many of us heathens who like to celebrate secular Christmas also like to make it clear to any onlookers that we aren't necessarily part of the eighty-some percent who are celebrating the birth of their god. One way to do this is with unconventional takes on the good ol' Tannenbaum that emphasize secular values.

Atheist activist Margaret Downey started an annual tradition of getting a "Tree of Knowledge" (an evergreen tree decorated with books by freethinkers) erected at the Chester County Courthouse in Pennsylvania, alongside religious displays. Here's a link to a video of Margaret speaking at a rally for the Tree of Knowledge in 2010. The ideas has caught on with some others. The photo here is of the Tree of Knowledge displayed this year at the Ethical Humanist Society of Philadelphia.

For those who desire more ideas in-line with the heavy-handed approach to asserting one's atheism during the holiday season, here are some ideas posted on Friendly Atheist: How To Decorate Your Tree Like A Good Atheist.

Of course there are other, secular deviations from the traditional tree. One idea that has some things in common with the Tree of Knowledge, and has caught some traction on the Internet is simply creating a whole tree out of books. Yes, books and Christmas trees can be mashed together for more than a public, political statement. It can also just be a really nerdy (but awesome!) way to decorate for the holiday season! As you can check out on The Mary Sue, there are many  more ways to do this than just the way featured in this photo. 

Speaking of nerdy takes on the Christmas tree, fans of science fiction will love this idea of festively decorated Dalek. Yes, nothing says peace on earth and good will toward men better than transforming a supreme villain bent on exterminating all other life in the universe into a tacky, livingroom centerpiece. 

Another option that really brings together the old and new is the alcohol tree. You see, before Christmas was a family holiday centered around bringing joy to children, it was a holiday for drunken revelry by adults. (But don't just take my word for it.) So why not a tree made entirely of wine bottles? The Genesee Brewing Co. has really gotten into the old-fashioned holiday spirit this year with a tree made out of 300 kegs of beer. 

Of course if one doesn't want to celebrate debauchery or be cynical about the whole thing, there's always the option of celebrating the natural world. Buy a potted tree or decorate one growing out in the yard, and decorate it with beautiful objects found in nature - driftwood, pine cones, shells, etc. Here's one I saw like that at a local nature center.

Another option in-line with expressing love for nature and secular humanist values? Do the recycling thing. Here's a tree made of recycled spoons, and another with recycled cans.

Maybe we can combine all these ideas into one glorious secular Christmas tree masterpiece: a thirty-foot tree made of recycled beer cans, decorated with literary ornaments, appearing to be devoured by a giant Cthulhu tree topper!

Who am I kidding? Can't top the butt plug tree.

Art, Ads, and Butt Plug Trees

 Over the weekend vandals deflated a giant, inflated sculpture (pictured here) because they were offended by its resemblance to a butt plug. The Telegraph explained: 

"The 79-foot-high inflatable green exhibit was called 'Tree' because it looked vaguely like a Christmas tree, but the American artist, Paul McCarthy, told Le Monde newspaper that it was inspired by a sex toy known as an anal plug and was meant 'as a joke'."

This isn't the first time Paul McCarthy has caused international scandal by combining the holiday season, public art, and sex toys. In 2001 he created Santa Claus, a statue originally commissioned to be placed next to the concert hall in Schouburgplein square in the Netherlands. 
After its creation, the statue (pictured here - 2nd image) caused so much controversy that it was never placed there and came to be nicknamed the Butt Plug Gnome. Thankfully the citizens of the Netherlands have enough of a sense of humor that by 2005 they came to accept its permanent placement in the less-famous Eendrachtsplein square. 

Apparently a minority of Parisians are angry enough to not only vandalize, but also physically assault the artist (he was slapped several times in the face) over this temporary sculpture. Neither the artist nor the officials are willing to re-erect Tree. So I guess humorless, dull-minded thugs win this round. 

But, gee wiz, ain't it great that no innocent, little kids will be exposed to such a racy double-entendre? I mean, my goodness, it's not like there's any other kinds of overtly sexual imagery found out in the public. 




My gosh, there's so many innocents who would of course instantly recognize the obvious resemblance Tree has to a sex toy. After all, kids encounter sex toys that look just like this far more often than they encounter other abstractions of plant-life in, say, plastic or wooden children's toys, video games, or company logos. 

By golly, I'll go so far as to say this so-called sculpture isn't even really art. I mean, we all know that art elevates and enlightens the human condition. It isn't just something that people would gawk and snicker at while thinking dirty thoughts. Just imagine what a city would look like if we replaced commercial advertising with art that we all agree is truly masterful, like classical paintings!

None of this "humiliating" butt plug nonsense. Butt plugs are just disgusting and immoral. They certainly aren't a safe, healthy aid for stimulating sexual pleasure that comes in a fun and exciting variety of shapes, sizes, and colors. 

Comparing a butt plug to a Christmas tree, a symbol of a sacred and ancient holiday that has been celebrated with drunken revelry and consumer excess, er, I mean with solemn prayer and worship, that's just humiliating to the French people, and if you think about it, all of humanity. Oh, for shame!